i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
