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how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
