Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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