someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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