big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
