There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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