there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
