I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
