wrigley field is MILF paradise
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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