Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
