i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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