I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
