hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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