either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
