you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this boner is exhausting
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have post one night stand depression
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
