woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
