Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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