she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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