ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
