Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Randomize
