just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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