I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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