Im at strip club and am horny
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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