that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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