I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
