This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
