I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
