And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
