mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
