from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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