Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You can't motorboat a personality
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
