i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
