I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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