I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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