Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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