I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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