You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
