he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
