the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
