so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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