perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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