Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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