And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Every concussion has its silver lining
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
