i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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