I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
