I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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