i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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