im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
