Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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