Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
