I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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