I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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