you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
