Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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