you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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