Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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