I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
