Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
