Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
