census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
