Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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