Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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