Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
