Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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