So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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