He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
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fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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