I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
