the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
