dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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