Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
