i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
