I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
