I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
no, he came in my armpit
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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