Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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