I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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