we have officially lost it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
