i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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