I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
